Kids need a LOT of attention

I have four kids, and I love every one of them. I always knew that I wanted a large family. What I am starting to realize now is how much ATTENTION they crave. I think I have figured out that a large part of Gavin's misbehavior and Abbie's whinyness (sp?) are due to wanting more of my attention. Even Trent, my 10yo, loves to hover over me and drives me NUTS. And of course 15mo Carolyn is glued to my hip or breast at all times.

I sew a lot, I goof off on the internet way more than I want to admit, and try to keep up with my WAHM biz and housework- which I am rarely successful at. I am always "busy".

I think it is starting to slowly sink in-

Nothing else matters. I have to find a new way of doing things- a new set of priorities. If you ever asked me what my priorities were, my answer would be "My family, of course!" But have I really been behaving that way- when I am constantly swatting them off of me so I can "just get this done"?

I always feel like I am running, but yet never accomplishing enough. I think it is time for me to just sit still and cuddle with my kids on the couch, or forget about laudry and take the kids to the park. Maybe today we can make a mess of the kitchen table and do a Christmas craft for the grandparents. It's time to make some memories to cherish, instead of letting it all scream by in a blur. :)

Christmas used to be more fun.

I can still remember getting chills down my spine walking through the mall hearing the beautiful Christmas music and seeing the lights and gorgeous displays. I was completely oblivious to the work and scurry going on all around me to create that little spine chill.

Now I am grown, and I have 4 little kidlets of my own. Christmas has become a chore. Gotta put up a tree. Gotta decorate it. Hang up lights. Buy presents. Keep them hidden from one very curious and crafy 4 year old boy. Wrap presents. Clean the house for company. Etc etc etc.

It was so much more fun as a kid. Who knew? All those hours I wasted as a kid wishing I was a grown up, and now all I want is to see Christmas again through a child's eyes. I guess that is why God gave me children- I can live vicariously through them, and maybe even send a few chills down their spines.

I don't know if it is my realization of commercialism that killed it for me or what. I know that I should be more focused on the real meaning of Christmas. Not the fake "spirit of Christmas" junk, but the REAL meaning of Christmas- the birth of our Savior. But it is so easy to get caught up in the hype and not even enjoy any of it.

So as my little Abbie stares at the gold garland on the tree and giggles, and can giggle with her, and know that she can't even appreciate the value of that grin on her face. She is such an angel- and not some feathered angel atop a tree- the kind that shines brightly in the room and brings a message from God.

"I love life... I love Christmas... I love you."

Blog what?

Well- I am obviously no good at blogging. It has been over a month since my last post, though I guess that is an improvement on two years.

I have so much going on in my head at any given time- I rarely have a shortage of things to say. But when it comes to blogging- everyone else just makes it seem easier. I know I can do it- I can even say I have time if I can compulsively check my email and bank account 20 times a day. I guess I need to add blogger to my daily online addiction. I think it would do me good. Why? I dunno. Why not? I need *some* kind of outlet for the ramblings in my brain. So I have decided that you will be my unwitting therapist. "You" being whomever actually stumbles upon and reads my crazy nonsense.

So strap on your seatbelt and get ready for a bumpy ride. You'll wish you were getting paid...

Wow- it has been a while...

For the sake of nostalgia, I will leave up my original 2 posts. Has it really been almost 2 YEARS!!! Surely that is a mistake. It is funny reading my last post- when I refer to "the baby" I was talking about Abbie. Abbie is now 3, and Carolyn is "the baby". Time flies!

BTW- I am STILL not a morning person. haha!

Being a mom means always being tired...

...At least I assume that is the case. I have been trying to convince myself to get up an hour before the kids to have devotional time in the morning. The kids usually wake up about 7:30am, but this morning Gavin woke me up at 6:30am and I feel like poo. A night that I didn't have insomnia and the baby slept through the night, so I am awoken by my 2yo getting under the covers and sticking his cold feet on me. It was sweet cuddles, but man- I am NOT a morning person.

A huge part of me really struggles with that. I picture myself waking up at 5am, having an hour devo w/ Him, cooking breakfast for the family, starting some laundry, and of course, actually getting dressed and ready instead of lounging in my sweats and combing my hair 30 minutes before my husband gets home from work. But every morning that I wake up before 7:30am I feel horrible. And mean. It takes at least 30 minutes for me to be nice to anyone, or even open my eyes all the way. How on earth am I going to achieve this wonderful early morning routine? I know it is possible- starting small.

I have a huge problem with trying to change everything at once. And then when I fail, I give up- but not before belittling myself and getting depressed that I am just a horrible mother and wife.

Surely I am not the only mom with this problem. I am slowly getting better- with a LOT of prayer and asking the church to pray for me to be more focused and less discouraged.

So the goal of today- trying to mentally psyche myself into being more willing to get up early... and praying for God to help me improve my morning attitude. I think maybe 6:30 is a reasonable goal for now.

We'll see how it goes!

-Jenn

Let see how this thing works...

OK. After more hours reading blogs than I care to admit, I am starting my own. I woke up last night around 4am to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't go back to sleep- a common occurance when I have a lot on my mind. Laying there, shamelessly cuddling my hubby in an attempt to settle down, I had a thought:

Maybe writting down some of the things going through my head would get them OUT of my head so I can stop the sleep-deprived nights.

I don't know if it will work, but I figure it is good for some cheap therapy if nothing else. And, there is always the off chance that someone else can get something beneficial from my ramblings.

Warning to any readers- I apologize in advance for being wordy. I am a chatty person by nature, and that carries over into my writing. I am also unabashedly Christian. I am very much a work in progress, and as you will see as more posts come, most of my struggles with sleepless nights are from laying there pondering Him and how to live a better life (and give my family a better life). I am a worry wart, but I think most moms are.

A quick profile of me:
I am 24 years old.
I am from Houston, TX.
I am HAPPILY married to James.
I have 3 blessings:
Trent, 8
Gavin, 2
Abbie, 1
I am a computer geek.

You will probably learn more about me in the coming posts than you care to...

-Jenn